Raw fish, beer, and balls

Fuzzy McCootersnatch took me to lunch today because it is her last day in this hell hole. We had raw fish, beer, and balls. I never had brown balls before; tapioca balls in my coffee that is! It is awesome. They are all chewy and gushy in your mouth, and a nice top off to the raw fish. Who knew that balls go so well after raw fish? I must admit I am a bit loony because we were drinking Japanese beer with our raw fish, and yes, before the balls. I need a nap now. I just wanted everyone to know about my lunch because I pulled an Italian Long-Lunch, like my boss does, and is named for. HA, that will show you!!!

All my exes live in Texas

I must start by saying that all of my exes do not live in Texas, but many of them do. I am so annoyed with the last one though. My last boyfriend and current ex, Middle School Midget annoyed the hell out of me. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does, and I just can't help it. Of all of the people I have gone out with, I have known him the longest. We went to Middle School together. We have known one another for 15 years now. I cannot understand why Middle School Midget is so immature. He broke up with me in the beginning of January. He claimed that he wasn't happy with his life and what he was going to do with it, that is had nothing to do with me. He claimed that he was unable to make me happy if he himself was not happy. Mind you six days before he broke up with me we were at a bar called Sherlock's and I got upset because he was bragging to his friends on how much ass he got in college. The only reason that this bothered me is because I didn't want to hear about his past. I never ask questions regarding my significant others past because I do not care to know. There is no reason for me getting all jealous when it was before me, but at the same time I do not want it brought up in my presence. He could have told them that when I wasn't around, or when I was getting another round of drinks, because I of course was paying for the both of us. Well, that happened and I just walked away, went to the bar, and closed my tab. He came looking for me and what seemed to be honesty, told me that he didn't mean to make me upset, that he was happy with me, and he wasn't going anywhere. This was 6 days before he broke up with me. Well, lets fast forward to that point. He breaks up with me and tells me that he still wants to be friends and whatnot. I have no problem with that. I wasn't a bad break up (meaning no one fucked up), and for the most part, I am pretty good friends with most of my exes. We exchange a few emails after the break up, and he assures me we are still friends, although immediately taking down pictures of the two of us, and me off his top friends on MySpace, a place for friends. He did leave one picture though, which yesterday, nearly 3 months later I comment on it in a friendly manner. I wrote "do you ever look back and think of all the fun we had? Good times." and guess what he did? He didn't respond, he didn't acknowledge the comment, he erased the fucking picture. I know that he knew it was still there, because the day after he dumped me, he took one off of me kissing him (while he was on the phone...... go figure.) This was a funny picture and he took it off because I said something about it? Come on, grow the fuck up. We have known one another for 15 years; 15 fucking years. It is no surprise that he lives at his parents house and has no job. It is no shock to me that he plays video games all day. It doesn't make me blink twice that when he does actually make a little money, he wants to buy an Xbox 360 instead of thinking of how to get his own place and move out. Personally if I were him, I would feel bad for his mother, who told him she couldn't retire this year as planned because he was still living at home without a job. I guess he lacks motivation. He is a selfish fucking prick to want to try to go at it alone too. I was there beside him through every decision, be it good or bad, and he didn't care. He hasn't seemed to find it on his own either. He is still on MySpace everyday instead of looking for a job, or substitute teaching. It must be nice to not do shit, possibly work once every month, play video games, and have your phone, car insurance, food, and all expenses paid for. You are not on vacation fuck face, get a job and let your mom retire!!

I dreamed a dream

Last night I dreamt of the strangest things that I felt the need to write down the majority of what I remembered. I dreamt I was going to Eggland's Best's house. When I got there, I walked into his house and went looking for him. I went to his room, where I saw 2 people having sex in the dark. I went to pull them apart, and realized it was Garfunkel and Sherlock Woman having sex in Eggland's Best's bed, with him in it. They stopped doing it when I went over to Eggland's Best and asked him why they were doing it in his bed . I also asked why the hell he was just laying there on the opposite side while they were doing that. He said that Garfunkel went to get some protection from him and guess he didn't make it back to his room, that they just started going at it. This was so strange to me, even in a dream sequence. I think the part that made me realize something is that when I walked into the room initially, I thought it was Eggland's Best and some random woman, and I was jealous. This was not the case. When I look back on my dream, I was pissed at first, and when I saw the whole picture, I was relieved. I have to admit that it was strange that Garfunkel and Eggland's Best were hanging out, living together, or whatever. It was also strange to see Garfunkel going at it in Eggland's Best's bed with him in it. Later in the dream, Eggland's Best and I were hosting a party at his house. It was very weird. I don't know how this happened, but he was very open about our relationship. He was giving me kisses in front of people and all that. It was nice, and I liked it. I don't really remember much else of the dream, but I woke up and it was as if there was an entire montage that had occurred in the 9 hours I had laid myself down to sleep. Maybe I will remember more later. I'll get back to you all on this.

Why I started posting

I am not going to take back anything that I said in previous posts. I started this blog in order to let out my frustrations, and with that said, what was written describes how I felt at that particular time. I am not always bitter, pissed off, and annoyed, but I am easily affected by my surroundings. I do what I can to get over them, so if anyone is offended, that is not the purpose of this blog. The purpose is for me to deal with them the best way I can, and get over them in the manner I see fit. I hope this may clear up and questions or confusion. Please see this as my journey through life exposed for your reading pleasure. That is all.

Uninvolved: Tired of the drama

So, I talked to Fuzzy McCootersnatch today. I don't want to be mad at her anymore. I think I let things get to me that I just blow up, and other people that interfere don't make the situation any better. I don't mind my job. What does bother me, is that people are so consumed in every one's business, and it drives me nuts. It is so hard to keep up with all the bullshit, so why even let it get to me? Fuzzy McCootersnatch was the first person I connected to here, and I don't think things she may have said or done were intentionally done maliciously. She is a good person deep down, and as far as giving a damn about anyone here, she is the one that I actually care about. If I didn't care about her like this, I wouldn't get upset, or bothered, or enraged that I felt betrayed by her. She didn't even go to the party that was held by Jugs on Saturday. All this stink and no reason for it. I get my feelings hurt quite a bit, and honestly, why would I want to be somewhere when people don't want me there? I am tired of the drama. I just want to be happy. I just want other people to be happy, and I don't want people to pretend that they are here for me when they aren't. There is no need for that. I don't want to waste my time with someone if they really don't want to be friends with me. There is too much time for those that do, so why let it get to me? When times are rough, you know who your friends are. No matter how big or small an argument is, we all come around if we are both in the same place, and we both care. Like I said before, I don't want to be mad at her, because she is better than the rest of these douche nards.

Uninvited: a revoked invitation

Saturday I was supposed to go to a 5th annual house warming party. I called the hostess, Jugs to get directions. No answer. I left a message and told her to call me back because I didn't know how to get there. She called when I was showering to start getting ready for her party, so I told her I would call her back in a few minutes. I got out of the shower, and called Jugs again. When I had asked her how to get to her house, she told me that it would be best if I didn't come to the party after all. I asked why, but she didn't go into much detail. She said that I was spreading gossip about Fuzzy McCootersnatch and Derf, Jugs' boyfriend. I asked her what I allegedly had said, and she said that I have been spreading rumours that they have been having sex. I think that is funny, because coincidentally, Fuzzy McCootersnatch told me that Eggland's Best was spreading those rumours. I have no doubt in my mind that she in fact caused my invitation to be revoked. I just think she needs to grow up. She was telling me how she didn't want to say bad things about people anymore, that she didn't want to cuss, and wanted to start reading the Bible again. I think it is so messed up that she felt the need to do this. Just because we get into an argument over lunch on Friday, she has to start problems. She told Moley's Replacement (the new girl at work), about Eggland's Best and myself. My personal business is none of her concern. I told Fuzzy McCootersnatch out of friendship and trust, and she betrayed me. She acted like she was my friend, but she wasn't all along. I don't have any reason to say anything about Fuzzy McCootersnatch or Derf, so why in the hell would she say that? Why did she turn out to be two faced just like the lot of them? A wise person told me "That will teach you to tell your coworkers personal stuff. When you get old and wise like me, you would have this knowledge learned the hard way as you are now. This is the difference between friends by choice and friends by association. Just play stupid! That should be easy for you! You are a trained actor." Eggland's Best, you are right...... cheers to you.

I am not a piece of ass

So Friday night I went to sing karaoke with some of my friends. I ended up getting drunk and having a good time. A friend from work, Puerto Rican ended up calling me, so I had invited him to join in the singing and festivities. When I wanted to leave, he walked outside with me and suggested we go to his house. I was not interested in going to his house. I was drunk, tired, and wanted to go home. I asked him why he wanted to go to his house so bad, and he replied "so I can get some condoms." First off, he has a girlfriend. Secondly, I had no way implied that I would be taking him home with me to let him 'have his way with me'. I was drunk, but not that drunk. I thought I made that quite clear. He seemed to understand, but asked if he could follow me home. I guess he was worried about me getting home safely, or made it sound that way at any rate. We get to my house safely, and my phone rings. I answer it, it is Eggland's Best calling to come over. This pissed off Puerto Rican, because he walked out the door and drove off. I don't understand where he gets off thinking I am going to sleep with him. I was pissed, especially because I have been seeing Eggland's Best, and that is it. I called Puerto Rican on Saturday to give him the benefit of the doubt. I asked him why he stormed off, he was mad that I answered my phone when Eggland's Best rang. He also said that he didn't want to be friends with me. I guess this is because I didn't put out. That is insane. He needs to go call his girlfriend for that, I am not the work whore. I shouldn't have to sleep with someone to maintain a friendship with them, that is ridiculous. This is the place I work at. I shouldn't have to feel like I am in a day care center all day, and when it is time to get off, mommy is here to pick me up. For the love of God, I am not just a piece of ass. I have substance, and worth. Fuck you for thinking you could get in so easily, and Fuck you for giving into the stereotype of douche bag, ass hat men; boys for that matter.

Get off your high horse

I don't know what is in the air today, but everyone is in a pissy mood, myself included. First off, my boss, Italian Long-Lunch isn't gone by 12 which upsets me because I had made arrangements to meet Bobbies McBrune for lunch at 1:30. We had decided to go to Chipolte, a restaurant owned and operated by McDonald's, because they were able to tend to my "no meat on Friday" needs. I informed Fuzzy McCootersnatch of the plans in case she was interested in joining Boobies and myself. At some point between me telling her where I was going and me actually walking out the building shit hit the fan. I have been trying to go and eat with her seeing as how next week will be her last, but I will not tolerate someone being rude to me for no reason. This is not the first time she has gotten this attitude with me. Last time she hung the phone up on me when I merely asked her what was wrong. I DO NOT tolerate being hung up on, and for me to even put that behind me and initialize conversation with her after a few day cooling off period, is a big deal. This time, UNACCEPTABLE. She told Mr. Match.com that she would get him lunch when she went out. I guess that she somehow forgot about Chipolte plans and told him she would go to the French House. The French House is a bistro like place that doesn't really cater to people "not eating meat on Friday." I guess that just slipped her mind. The thing that bothers me the most is that I often wait to go to lunch late so we can go together (instead of going at the butt crack of dawn), and for her to act this way is so disrespectful and selfish. I guess I shouldn't care that she is leaving. It seems to me that she isn't being the friend she claims to be. Maybe I was mistaken. If she didn't want to go where I was going that is one thing, but for her to cop this attitude with me and go off, is another. If she thinks she can come to me with that, she doesn't know me very well. She better be glad that she didn't get punched in the fucking face. Fuzzy, you know who you are, and I think you owe me an apology.

Incomplete and hating every bit of it

I have been depressed lately. I have more than some, but I am not satisfied. I have my own place, I have a new car, I have a decent job, but I lack something. I lack fulfillment and completion. I am constantly at war with myself. I want to love, and I want to be loved. I want to work in an environment where people aren't constantly making you feel your job is at jeopardy. I know I do a good job, but people are more concerned with what I do outside of work, than to realize what all I do when I am here. I am just not happy. At this point of my life, I thought that I would at least have a serious relationship, marriage even. I am not even close. I don't need a man to be happy, but at the same time, I have so much love to give, and there is no one to give it to. I constantly find myself giving too much. I guess that men are just not in the place that I am mentally. It is either that, or they don't want to put in an equal amount. Why is it so hard? I used to want the intangible man, and as I have grown older, I realize that isn't the case anymore. I want someone that has their shit together. I want someone that is in a mind state where marriage and future is possible. Is that too much to ask? Let me get out of this rut a better person. I don't settle, but I really don't think I am asking too much. I am sure that he is out there somewhere. I am just tired of looking and tired of waiting. I guess that the saying "things happen when you least expect them to" may be the case. I am still trying to figure that out. I just don't want to be that old woman with 20 cats that dies alone. I think about that sometimes. I want children, and I shouldn't have to trap someone into getting hitched because I purposely got knocked up.

Dick Licks and Douche Bags

Today is just a great day. Let me fill you all in on how absolutely wonderful my life is at present. First off, NJ is getting back with his ex..... go figure. I called him as I was driving to work this morning when he informed me of this executive decision. Not only that, but apparently he is unable to maintain a friendship with me in addition. I put together a package of goodies to send him before I even knew that he was potentially getting back with his ex, and have been holding on to it because his birthday is April 6. When I had asked him what I should do about the package, he informed me that it would be best NOT to send it. So basically there goes $50.00 down the drain. I told him that this was not fair, and for lacking any kind of compassion, I guess he just didn't get it. As I am speaking to NJ on the phone, Eggland's Best calls me and tells me my car is leaking oil. Fucking fabulous, just when I thought it couldn't be any worse. So I drive to work, paranoid that when I got my oil changed 800 miles ago, they fucked something up, and had Eggland's Best not noticed, I would have a fried engine in 4,200 miles before my next service due. I called and complained. My car isn't even a year old, and for them to already be fucking up during my second oil change is ridiculous. Fortunately I work in a place where people are trained for such situations. The leak is fixed, but the dick licks are still on my shit list. Oil changes are the most common repair, and if they can't even do it right, what the fuck are they doing in that particular field? I am irate. NJ had mentioned that he was seeking therapy and whatnot, well, you know what? I have been there, done that, taken all that bullshit, and realized something. Mind over matter. You have to be mentally capable of overcoming obstacles on your own. Medication isn't necessarily the answer. I know, I was on them all. You can't live your life falsely depending on some medication to make everything bearable. You are supposed to hurt, to feel ,and to cry. Life is supposed to be hard. Life is supposed to be an emotional roller coaster. I don't give a damn who you are, because I know from personal experience. You have to find another method of relieving those issues or you will never be complete. I may be fucked up, but I know it is real and I know how to change things. I don't rely on false pretenses or self medicating oneself. Look at all those people whose lives are ruined from drugs. They are just doing the low class version of what you are doing. People, it is normal to feel frustrated or upset. It is normal to cry, scream, cheer, and love. You have to find your own way of overcoming emotional battles with oneself. One day the medication may not be there, but I will. I will still be here and I will still fight those depressed urges, because I can do anything and I don't need medication to know that. If you think I am wrong, this is the only medication you need.......

The Chronicles of Wah-Wah, Part I

Sex is intimate; Sex is fun.
George Michael says its best when its "One on one."
One on one; or one with one?
Playing with self can be just as fun.
You don't hear no back talk; you don't have to pretend
That you got off before he came to an end.
Osaki is nice; he spasms and turns
And when you are done with him, you haven't the burns.
You won't get knocked up; you have nothing to protect
And after you are done, you still have self respect.
Playing alone can be so much fun;
You don't have to stop until you are done.

My sunshine

My bestest friend in the world, Antibelle is coming to visit me soon. I can not even begin to tell you how excited I am for this. I last saw Antibelle in January of 2006. Her presence is long over due. Whenever I am down, or pissed, or just needing someone to talk to, she is always there for me no matter what. Our mutual friend, Mr. Cable Guy is also coming. Antibelle is the greatest person I have ever met, and will ever meet for that matter. No matter what is going on with me, she is there. She makes me feel better about myself. She lets me know that even when I feel like I have nothing, she is there. It really sucks that she is so far away from me. I thought that us living on separate sides of our college town was far enough. In college, we lived approximately 5 minutes away from one another. Now, the person I most relate to is 1,429 miles away. I am applying for positions where my parents live. If I end up going there, I will only be 263 miles (about 4 hours 34 mins) away. Antibelle is my sunshine. She lets me know that even if I don't have many people here in the Lone Star State, I am not alone. It goes to show that people you meet in college can be your friends no matter where they are transplanted. Life is so strange sometimes. Every morning while driving to work, the sun splatters my windshield of my car giving me a sign that my Antibelle is out there. Distance can't do anything to a friendship like ours. One day, my dearest friend will be the Maid of Honor at my wedding (to be determined), and the god mother of my children (also to be determined). I just want to thank her for what we have together. I will never find another sunshine, but if anyone is interested in a full moon, just let me know.......

Lunch: a way to get pissed off daily

When it gets close to lunch, I always get pissed off. People at work decided that my boss and I can no longer be gone at the same time. By this, they mean even a slight overlapping of 5-10 minutes. Under most work conditions this wouldn't be an issue, but for me things are different. If my boss left at the same time everyday, things would be fine. If my boss didn't leave for an hour and a half everyday, I wouldn't care. My boss leaves whenever he feels like it and takes at least an hour and a half. Even if I tell him I have lunch plans at 1:30 PM, he will leave at 12:15 PM and not return until 1:45 PM having no regard for my lunch appointment. My friend, Boobies McBrune is always having to wait for me. My friend at work, Fuzzy McCootersnatch is usually having to wait for me too. I don't mind that my boss takes longer that everyone else, that doesn't bother me. What DOES bother me, is when I go up to him at 11:30 in the morning telling him to leave so he can be back at a decent time, he doesn't do it. I get to work before he does. So basically he gets here later than I do, he leaves for lunch before I do, and he takes a longer lunch than I do. Hmmmmm. How does this make and sense? Where does it add up? I try to be nice about it, but I am annoyed. If I am giving him a heads up on the time so he doesn't leave too late, he should know that I am not doing it because I care about his stomach, but the fact that I am hungry and need to eat before I transform into a total bitch. There are certain things that I have to have a certain way or I lose it.

1) Don't hang up on me.
2) When I am hungry, don't make me wait forever to eat. (My ex, Mayor's son found out the hard way........ He made me wait to eat, and when I finally ate, I threw everything up.)
3) Don't lie.
4) Don't cheat.

I told him to leave about an hour ago, and I still don't think he has made his way out the door yet. Why do I have to deal with the same shit everyday? I am tired of this place and their pathetic bullshit they call a business. Fuzzy McCootersnatch has seemed to see the light. She will be chunking the deuce very soon. Hell, I wouldn't mind dropping everything and hauling myself to a different location. Food for thought. Oh wait, I am waiting to go to lunch, there is no food for thought..... dick licks!!!

Should this be affecting me?

I am upset, and frankly I am not sure if it is okay to feel this way or not. I didn't speak to NJ yesterday and it made me a little sad. I got a call from him early this morning and I was still asleep, so I told him I would call him back on my way to work. The reason I didn't talk to him yesterday is because he had a "guest" over. The "guest" just so happens to be his ex-girlfriend and I presume that her visit was an attempt to get back together with him. I am so upset right now. Although I have yet to meet the guy, I feel like I have begun to invest a lot into him. The way I feel when I talk to him, or receive an email from him is indescribable. I just fear that I may potentially lose him prior to even getting to meet him. I feel that I may be at a disadvantage here, because of the distance between us. This really blows. I don't even know if it is alright to feel this way. I shed a few tears this morning, and as I stepped outside to alleviate my woes, I wiped the tears from my eyes and thought to myself "today has already started on the wrong foot." I feel sick to my stomach. I just want to go home, crawl in bed, and hide my face from the world for just one day. I shouldn't be depressed, but I am. I always seem to sit in the side lines as I wait for things to happen to me. This time I took it and ran with it, and at this point it may be gone before it even started. I don't want to influence his decision either way, because ultimately, the choice is his. He will have to live with the decision he makes, and hopefully he will do what he feels is right. I want him to be happy either way. It would just be nice to be in the winners circle for once. I am tired of sitting on the bench all the time. After all, he just might be the man of my dreams........

Don't hang up on me!!!

I was diligently working on a project when i received a call from Swamp Thing on my cell. She was calling me to get directions to a place where people can donate Plasma for money. I told her to hold on a second because I was in the middle of something, and she proceeds to go off saying "I would help you if you needed it". I told her I had no problem helping her, but she would have to wait. I guess if you are a person without a job you have no regard for those that do. She hung up the phone. First of all, don't call me asking for a favor and hang up. Secondly, I will be damned if you can't wait approximately two minutes until I am finished with what I am doing. I can't stand when people hang up on me. I think that may be at the top of my list as far as getting pissed off the quickest. I just don't understand how Swamp Thing calls me asking for help, and gets pissed when I can't jump at that particular moment. Maybe she should be Ask Jeeves for a job instead of trying to Google a damn Plasma Donation Center. Maybe she should Yahoo! her way into a temp agency, or make a Monster out of her resume. Whatever her issue is, I can honestly care less. If she didn't get fired from her last job, maybe she wouldn't have to ask for my help, cause the tramp would have money. Maybe if she didn't spend her last hundred dollars on stuff to "cleanse her urine" she wouldn't be in this situation. Frankly, if you haven't a job, why would you need to "cleanse your urine" anyway? How is she getting the goods that make her pee "not so satisfactory" to the people that are potentially offering her a job? If she is so damn good at what she does, why has she been unemployed since I met her? Well, she succeeded in pissing me off, that is certain. Swamp Thing, get a job and as far as I am concerned, get a life while you are at it. Maybe AltaVista or Dogpile can help, and as far as calling me..... don't bother. We weren't that good of friends anyway. You too are dispensable.

Something to NOT be pissed about

There is a wonderful guy I have been talking to. My mom met him at her Tae Kwon Do classes. I have not even met the guy, but we are constantly communicating. We talk on the phone daily, we email one another back and forth, and I am about to start sending random, yet fun packages to him in the mail. Even though I haven't met the guy (I'll call him NJ) I feel as though I know him already. NJ and I live 1,642.7 miles away from one another, so I guess if I am to be pissed about anything in this blog, the distance can be it. I feel that this has made it more worthwhile in actually getting to know him. There are so many people today that look at you and just want to get to know you based on what they see. This isn't the case with NJ. We emailed before we spoke, and after hitting it off there, we expanded our communication barriers and went to speaking over the telephone. I asked my friend Antibelle yesterday if it was possible to miss someone you didn't even know. I am still asking myself this question. The problem in getting to know people based on what you see is that they can disappoint you by lacking substance. When I talk to NJ, I feel like I have known him for a long time. I know that people out there say it is possible to fall in love with someone over the Internet and whatnot, but I never realized how possible it actually is. I am not saying that I am in love with the guy, but what if he turns out to be what I have been looking for all along? From our conversations, I definitely see potential. NJ has jokingly told me he is the man of my dreams, and all women for that matter, but they just can't handle it. What if he is and what if I can (handle it that is)? When I think about him, I am not pissed off. When I am pissed off, he makes me feel better. I think this is how it is supposed to be. I just never felt like this. I never felt like someone over a thousand miles away could make me feel like a lady, and beautiful. I can't help but smile when I think about him, or something he has said to me. I should thank him for helping me not be so pissed off all the time. I'll have to remember that for our next conversation.

A happy start to a pissed off beginning

At the current moment there isn't anything wrong. I glance at the clock and see it is only 2:45PM; there is so much potential for things to get screwed up. After all, there are 9 hours and 15 minutes left before the day is over. I did get paid today....... That is a good thing. Let's see, what can I bitch about? Well, there are people at work that seem to thrive off making my life miserable. I was quoted today "Beware the ides of March" regarding Caesar Augustus. I think people here are plotting my assassination. It is so hard to keep up with everyone around here. I cannot make any promises that I will be pissed off everyday, but I can assure you I am more often pissed off than not.