Should this be affecting me?

I am upset, and frankly I am not sure if it is okay to feel this way or not. I didn't speak to NJ yesterday and it made me a little sad. I got a call from him early this morning and I was still asleep, so I told him I would call him back on my way to work. The reason I didn't talk to him yesterday is because he had a "guest" over. The "guest" just so happens to be his ex-girlfriend and I presume that her visit was an attempt to get back together with him. I am so upset right now. Although I have yet to meet the guy, I feel like I have begun to invest a lot into him. The way I feel when I talk to him, or receive an email from him is indescribable. I just fear that I may potentially lose him prior to even getting to meet him. I feel that I may be at a disadvantage here, because of the distance between us. This really blows. I don't even know if it is alright to feel this way. I shed a few tears this morning, and as I stepped outside to alleviate my woes, I wiped the tears from my eyes and thought to myself "today has already started on the wrong foot." I feel sick to my stomach. I just want to go home, crawl in bed, and hide my face from the world for just one day. I shouldn't be depressed, but I am. I always seem to sit in the side lines as I wait for things to happen to me. This time I took it and ran with it, and at this point it may be gone before it even started. I don't want to influence his decision either way, because ultimately, the choice is his. He will have to live with the decision he makes, and hopefully he will do what he feels is right. I want him to be happy either way. It would just be nice to be in the winners circle for once. I am tired of sitting on the bench all the time. After all, he just might be the man of my dreams........