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The Chronicles of Wah-Wah, Part IV

Make sure you buy your Mighty Tidy
for the one and only, the Almighty.
Clean him well and have spin
no matter what, you ALWAYS win.
Pheromones can't do it all
sometimes it works, but dicks are small.
Go with what you know and trust
before you spontaneously combust.
No need to figure out the guy
or the package between the thighs.
I have a dresser for times like these
that is filled with everything I need.
The toys, the attachments, and the cleanser
wow, it is like this thing has a sensor!
A few more seconds, then I'm done
Osaki is still my number one.
I went to a party and was put in a strap
my coworker as well with my ass there to tap.
They asked me to sell cause I knew all the stuff
but I'd go in debt, knowing my luck.
I would sell so many, I'd lose my count
but I would also buy, so there's my discount!
I must admit it would be fun
to make sure every woman on earth had one.

The Chronicles of Wah-Wah, Part III

Motion isn't only in the ocean.
My vibrator has the magic potion.
He revs me up, and puts me in gear.
I have to drive and I have to steer.
There is no auto pilot, so I have to do
more than I should, which I am used to.
To tell you the truth it has been quite a long time.
He is still packed away in one of those boxes of mine.
I should take him out and have a go.
But what if someone walked in and saw my big show?
I am so used to living alone,
Now I get kicks with "him" on the phone.
"Pour some sugar on me" as Bon Jovi once said.
And lick from my feet right up to my head.
As you can tell, it has been quite some time.
Since I've spent some quality moments with that vibrator of mine.
I once got a friend a special one too.
Cause she knew the spell I am now going through.
The next day she said she was happy he had arrived.
The best Christmas gift ever, she swore on her life!
The gift that keeps giving, until his batteries die.
Then you buy more and he will be revived.




In honor of Fuzzy McCootersnatch
May your "friend" glow forever!

The Chronicles of Wah-Wah, Part II

It only takes a few minutes to get where I am going;
Cause I am in control, and my toy is all knowing.
I call him BOB, Battery Operated Boyfriend
He love me long time, and is there til the end.
I hate when you go to use him and his batteries are dead
It's not like the fucking thing can give you some head.
But oh when he's charged and ready to go
You can make him go fast, and you can make him go slow.
My favorite is Osaki, I admit he's quite nice
He doesn't stimulate once, he stimulates twice!
He takes care of the internal and external spots
To hell with the sweating, he still makes me hot.
So tonight I will go sit back and just chill
And no one will worry, cause I will be fulfilled!


Not as good as the first Chronicle of Wah-Wah, but we have to keep it going.....

The Fraudulent Christian

I work with a woman that calls herself a Christian. She always goes on about how she never says mean things about people and how she prays for people with ugly souls. This bitch is crazy. First off, she DOES talk bad about people. She got Fuzzy McCootersnatch and I in an argument a while back because she opens her mouth when it is not necessary. Secondly, the woman is married. Not only is The Fraudulent Christian married, but she lives with another man. She lives with the father of her child. So, let's catch up before we go any further.

1) There is a woman
2) She claims to be a Christian
3) She talks bad about people
4) She is married to a man she does not live with
5) She lives with another man other than her husband

Let us continue shall we? Well, on top of all this, she is a slut bag. She is sleeping with one of the guys at work that is also married. She is unaware of the widespread knowledge people have of this, but it is certainly very obvious. She leaves for lunch, his truck follows, she returns from lunch, his truck follows, and when she leaves for the day, he is right behind her. I wasn't aware that devout Christians are home wreckers too. I guess that was not in the part of the Bible I have ever read. The thing is, don't preach about how holy you are, when you aren't. Let's add to our list shall we?

6) She is sleeping with a married man
7) The married man she is sleeping with works with us

Moving on...... Recently before Fuzzy McCootersnatch left us to go to The Bike Rally, The Fraudulent Christian asked her for help in setting up a profile on Match.com. I guess her free trial was over and she went on to what she had free reign over. This lady is also not attractive. She is 50, or approaching 50, dresses like she is 20, and looks pregnant with triplets. How is that for a visual?

There are more interesting tid bits about The Fraudulent Christian. Not very long ago she was telling Fuzzy McCootersnatch and I about an issue she has with puss in her urine. She stated that it was a Urinary Track Infection, and claimed she didn't sleep around, but at this point that is all up in the air. After all, does a devout Christian woman get involved with a happily married man that has 2 children?

One day she arrives to work, goes upstairs and there was no coffee made. She tells Pirate Pants to make her some coffee. Pirate Pants has been working here for 26 years, he came over with the owner, so she was wrong for asking him to make her some coffee. Luckily he didn't. He informed her that anyone wanting coffee was responsible for making it themselves. She of course waited for the cleaning lady to arrive and told her to make her some coffee. She claimed she didn't know how to make it. Well, business coffee makers usually have prepacked coffee, as we do, and a button on the machine that says "start" or "brew". Fucking idiot!!!

Then, last week, she must have cut herself with some paper or something so she gets on the intercom and calls one of the parts guys to the front desk. He was unavailable, so another parts guy comes to the counter. He asked what she needed and she told him she needed Breakfast Taco Runner to go and get her a band-aid. Well, this was also a do-it-yourself type thing like the coffee. You need a band-aid, get it yourself. The parts guy told her this and she said, "I'll wait until he isn't busy, I don't feel like walking all the way over there." Bitch, with your fat, pregnant, triplet looking ass you could use to walk up a few steps!!

Tell me after all this that this lady is a good Christian woman. She is a lunatic!!!

I dreamed a dream

Last night I dreamt of the strangest things that I felt the need to write down the majority of what I remembered. I dreamt I was going to Eggland's Best's house. When I got there, I walked into his house and went looking for him. I went to his room, where I saw 2 people having sex in the dark. I went to pull them apart, and realized it was Garfunkel and Sherlock Woman having sex in Eggland's Best's bed, with him in it. They stopped doing it when I went over to Eggland's Best and asked him why they were doing it in his bed . I also asked why the hell he was just laying there on the opposite side while they were doing that. He said that Garfunkel went to get some protection from him and guess he didn't make it back to his room, that they just started going at it. This was so strange to me, even in a dream sequence. I think the part that made me realize something is that when I walked into the room initially, I thought it was Eggland's Best and some random woman, and I was jealous. This was not the case. When I look back on my dream, I was pissed at first, and when I saw the whole picture, I was relieved. I have to admit that it was strange that Garfunkel and Eggland's Best were hanging out, living together, or whatever. It was also strange to see Garfunkel going at it in Eggland's Best's bed with him in it. Later in the dream, Eggland's Best and I were hosting a party at his house. It was very weird. I don't know how this happened, but he was very open about our relationship. He was giving me kisses in front of people and all that. It was nice, and I liked it. I don't really remember much else of the dream, but I woke up and it was as if there was an entire montage that had occurred in the 9 hours I had laid myself down to sleep. Maybe I will remember more later. I'll get back to you all on this.

I am not a piece of ass

So Friday night I went to sing karaoke with some of my friends. I ended up getting drunk and having a good time. A friend from work, Puerto Rican ended up calling me, so I had invited him to join in the singing and festivities. When I wanted to leave, he walked outside with me and suggested we go to his house. I was not interested in going to his house. I was drunk, tired, and wanted to go home. I asked him why he wanted to go to his house so bad, and he replied "so I can get some condoms." First off, he has a girlfriend. Secondly, I had no way implied that I would be taking him home with me to let him 'have his way with me'. I was drunk, but not that drunk. I thought I made that quite clear. He seemed to understand, but asked if he could follow me home. I guess he was worried about me getting home safely, or made it sound that way at any rate. We get to my house safely, and my phone rings. I answer it, it is Eggland's Best calling to come over. This pissed off Puerto Rican, because he walked out the door and drove off. I don't understand where he gets off thinking I am going to sleep with him. I was pissed, especially because I have been seeing Eggland's Best, and that is it. I called Puerto Rican on Saturday to give him the benefit of the doubt. I asked him why he stormed off, he was mad that I answered my phone when Eggland's Best rang. He also said that he didn't want to be friends with me. I guess this is because I didn't put out. That is insane. He needs to go call his girlfriend for that, I am not the work whore. I shouldn't have to sleep with someone to maintain a friendship with them, that is ridiculous. This is the place I work at. I shouldn't have to feel like I am in a day care center all day, and when it is time to get off, mommy is here to pick me up. For the love of God, I am not just a piece of ass. I have substance, and worth. Fuck you for thinking you could get in so easily, and Fuck you for giving into the stereotype of douche bag, ass hat men; boys for that matter.

The Chronicles of Wah-Wah, Part I

Sex is intimate; Sex is fun.
George Michael says its best when its "One on one."
One on one; or one with one?
Playing with self can be just as fun.
You don't hear no back talk; you don't have to pretend
That you got off before he came to an end.
Osaki is nice; he spasms and turns
And when you are done with him, you haven't the burns.
You won't get knocked up; you have nothing to protect
And after you are done, you still have self respect.
Playing alone can be so much fun;
You don't have to stop until you are done.