Who Wants to be Sad All the Time?

I don't.....

I talked to New Jersey today. Well, he talked to me. I went to Karate after my brother's swimming lesson and he asked me to step outside. I did. He told me that I shouldn't have called. I already knew that the second I pressed call and there was no turning back, but I also didn't think it appropriate to just hang up either. And oddly enough, his girlfriend was there. Figures, right? Well for all I know he could have moved her in. After all, he did say he needed a woman's touch when we were talking, guess it would be wrong to assume it was MY touch just cause I have the parts, right? Anyway I cried, again, and this time in front of his face. I couldn't help it. I feel he led me on in the beginning, and the second that something else came along, something more familiar, I was put back on top of the shelf to collect dust. I am so sick of the same routine, but I find myself allowing it to happen over and over again. I think it is because I automatically assume that with a different person comes a different scenario, right? Wrong. The same series of events, just in their own way. Maybe it is me. Maybe it isn't. I feel like I lose more of myself and hope each time it occurs, so when someone good finally decides to come along, I may just be empty and hollow inside. That would be hard though, cause even though I am a bitch, I still always manage to have plenty of love to give. I just want to feel it for once instead of handing it all out. I know you have to give to receive, but this is just ridiculous. I don't have to have it now, but I don't want to cry about not having it. I also don't care to be made to feel worse for not having it. Can The guys that know they are douches break our hearts without shoving it in our faces? Is that too much to ask?