Last night I cried myself to sleep. I can't really explain it, but it happened. I also called New Jersey and left a message, which I most likely should not have done. I couldn't sleep and I was thinking about him since I had left the Karate place. I think the message was somewhere along the lines of ....
"Meeting you was interesting. I couldn't stop thinking of you since, so I called and I figure you are asleep. I mean no harm by calling, I just couldn't sleep".
It was weird, because for a period of time I was talking to this guy 3-4 times a day, emailing constantly throughout the day, and planning packages to send to him. Then he breaks my heart before I even meet him, and when I see him I am reminded of all this. From what I understand now it is his girlfriend that is far away. Irony huh? I think he only gets to see her on the weekends so hopefully my call caused him no trouble. If so however she can accept that my call was harmless, or be ready for a Texas sized ass whooping, which I am sure is a hell of a lot harder than what she has to offer. After all, everything is bigger and better in Texas.
As far as the crying myself to sleep thing, I think I am just lonely and wanting so badly to be loved. My last real relationship I loved and he didn't, so reciprocation would be appreciated. I feel I give too much and get nothing in return with guys. I am just tired of it, and want the next thing that comes my way to be something real. I am tired of not being treated the way I treat others. I want to give and to love, but it is hard when the person that you are with isn't mature enough or ready to give it.
1 comment:
Oh, hon, Don't give up. Time will take care of all this. For now, just revel in your time with yourself.
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