This Blog is Called Why I am Always Pissed Off for a Reason

I started this blog when my best friend at the time told me it would be a good way to get things off my chest. Because she was far away (and having recently found out she never gave a shit) this was my way to vent about things. To say what was bottled in, and have it go somewhere rather than just building up and making me explode later.

One thing I have never been a fan of is fake people. I try to be as honest and open as possible, and I don't care to make room for people that are fake and full of shit. I may have issues with depression, anxiety, sleeping, etc... but I am not a fake person, and I don't pretend to care if I don't. The so called "best friend" recently wrote me an email pointing out (according to her) my flaws, but failed to hear what I had to say in return. First off, I have never tried to tell her how much of a shitty friend she has been to me, even when I felt it. She, however must have felt validated by doing this to me though.... perhaps it made her feel better about herself.

I can name numerous things I have done to be good to this person. I even helped her shed (how much was it again) over 50 pounds. Talk about being a good friend and a motivator. Not to mention I donated to her causes, bought her shirts, and even had my parents donate to her causes. I am afraid she has never supported any of mine.

I think it is funny that she always categorizes herself as being a commitment phobe. She started getting close to this guy, he wants to move in, and then she breaks it off with him. She did basically the opposite with me.

When we were in college or in the same town, we were inseparable. She then moved away and we saw each other every once in a while. I graduated, and left too. Then we saw each other even less. We used to talk everyday on the phone, but then it became a matter of convenience for her. When I moved up north and was only 4 hours away from her, she didn't want to put in the equal amount of effort it would take to see one another. I suppose since I was far away and not immediately available to her, she just gave up on me, and gave up on our friendship as well.

The thing that bothers me the most is that she wrote me an email basically going off on me for being a shitty friend, but I don't ever think she stop to realize that she was being one herself (and for quite some time at that), and when called out, she chose to ignore me..... a very mature thing to do, but nonetheless, she stopped being a good friend to me a long time ago. I tried to look past it, and consider it was a different time, and we were far apart, but I felt her distancing herself for quite some time. Her excuses for not coming to visit went from tires on her truck, to time off work, to money, but then again that didn't stop her from going to see other people and going other places, and not to mention driving the same truck she didn't want to come see me in..... things that make you go hmmmmm.

All of this is fine actually, but the only thing I have left to say is this.....

If you want to initiate a conversation in which you mention someones flaws, then be prepared to see it through. Be willing to listen to what the other person has to say in return, because if not, there was no point in having said your peace..... your mind was already made up.

I wish you well, and I hope you have a great life. I hope that one day you will be able to commit to someone and be happy. I hope no one ever calls you out on being a shitty friend without letting you respond and who doesn't ignore you. I also hope that your friends don't move out of state and leave you to turn into a shitty friend to them as you did to me long ago, and I hope when people ask about your problems, that they actually care about them. Maybe one day you will grow up and realize all of this, and maybe you will push your pride aside and call me...... and MAYBE I will be there to answer your call.

I Put my Eggs on the Table

About 2 months ago I started inching away from Eggland's Best. He bought another car, which made me think his priorities were more skewed. I had come to the conclusion that he was not trying to proceed with a divorce if he was accumulating more assets.

I met a guy at a bar. I know that is so cliché, but we hit it off immediately. The way I met him was even more interesting.

I was sitting across the bar with Taco and we saw a group of hot guys directly across from us. We decided to send over 2 drinks to Guy 1 and Guy 2. After a while, I went over to the guys and told them that they were being douche bags for not coming over to say "thank you" to two pretty ladies for having bought them a beer. Guy 1 is Military Guy and that was the drink that Taco had sent over. Guy 2 was Police Guy that I had sent a drink to. Well, as it turns out, Police Guy was not THAT interesting and was all over some cougar in the bar. I started talking to another guy that was with Police Guy and Military Guy, I'll call him Florida Guy.

Florida Guy was very cute, and we seemed to have a lot in common. I don't typically try to pursue a relationship with a guy I meet in a bar, but here we are 2 months later, and for the most part, I have seen him everyday.

Florida Guy is my age (well, 8 months younger if you want to get technical). Florida Guy is very attractive. Florida Guy is NOT married and does NOT have kids. Florida Guy doesn't have any baggage.

We met up again the following day after having met one another. We ended up going to the same hole in the wall bar that we met at. I couldn't help thinking how funny or odd it was that I got him by sending his best friend a drink, but besides the point he was awesome. I definitely wanted to see him again.

Our first real date consisted of a sushi dinner at my favorite sushi place. I told him how I was pretty much obsessed with sushi and that I could eat him under the table. He then challenged me to eat sushi for two by myself. I accepted the challenge. After gorging myself with raw fish, we decided to go to the bar and have a drink before I went home. My car was at his house, so we drove there to pick it up beforehand because it was closer for me to go home from the bar than from his house. He invited me to come in his house because he had to relieve himself. On the first real date, I met his parents. They were very nice and welcoming.

2 months later I have found myself to be quite fond of Florida Guy. I have stayed at his house numerous times and slept in a twin size bed with the man. It is a squeeze, but comfortable at the same time. I guess it just gives us reason to cuddle up to one another. I see him nearly everyday and that makes me very happy. All this being said, my likeness for Eggs has slowly faded.

After having devoted myself to the intangible Egg for a year and a half I found myself feeling that I would miss an opportunity for something substantial and readily available. I felt that I would miss out on something potentially wonderful by waiting for something that MIGHT not ever be, and I didn't want to do that. After having been in The Garden State for over a year now, I have not once before Florida Guy given the time of day to anyone, and now, all of a sudden, I am smitten and wanting more to come. I felt that I needed to put an end to my long distance lover, and move on with my life. I felt that I would never know how things would turn out with Florida Guy and myself, if I didn't give it my all. This being said, I put my eggs on the table, literally. I gave up on love in pursuit of a new potential love, one that was readily available. I didn't want to be on the back burner any longer. I still don't know what may come with Florida Guy, but I am quite excited to see. I know that he makes me happy, and right now, that is all I can ask for.