I started this blog when my best friend at the time told me it would be a good way to get things off my chest. Because she was far away (and having recently found out she never gave a shit) this was my way to vent about things. To say what was bottled in, and have it go somewhere rather than just building up and making me explode later.
One thing I have never been a fan of is fake people. I try to be as honest and open as possible, and I don't care to make room for people that are fake and full of shit. I may have issues with depression, anxiety, sleeping, etc... but I am not a fake person, and I don't pretend to care if I don't. The so called "best friend" recently wrote me an email pointing out (according to her) my flaws, but failed to hear what I had to say in return. First off, I have never tried to tell her how much of a shitty friend she has been to me, even when I felt it. She, however must have felt validated by doing this to me though.... perhaps it made her feel better about herself.
I can name numerous things I have done to be good to this person. I even helped her shed (how much was it again) over 50 pounds. Talk about being a good friend and a motivator. Not to mention I donated to her causes, bought her shirts, and even had my parents donate to her causes. I am afraid she has never supported any of mine.
I think it is funny that she always categorizes herself as being a commitment phobe. She started getting close to this guy, he wants to move in, and then she breaks it off with him. She did basically the opposite with me.
When we were in college or in the same town, we were inseparable. She then moved away and we saw each other every once in a while. I graduated, and left too. Then we saw each other even less. We used to talk everyday on the phone, but then it became a matter of convenience for her. When I moved up north and was only 4 hours away from her, she didn't want to put in the equal amount of effort it would take to see one another. I suppose since I was far away and not immediately available to her, she just gave up on me, and gave up on our friendship as well.
The thing that bothers me the most is that she wrote me an email basically going off on me for being a shitty friend, but I don't ever think she stop to realize that she was being one herself (and for quite some time at that), and when called out, she chose to ignore me..... a very mature thing to do, but nonetheless, she stopped being a good friend to me a long time ago. I tried to look past it, and consider it was a different time, and we were far apart, but I felt her distancing herself for quite some time. Her excuses for not coming to visit went from tires on her truck, to time off work, to money, but then again that didn't stop her from going to see other people and going other places, and not to mention driving the same truck she didn't want to come see me in..... things that make you go hmmmmm.
All of this is fine actually, but the only thing I have left to say is this.....
If you want to initiate a conversation in which you mention someones flaws, then be prepared to see it through. Be willing to listen to what the other person has to say in return, because if not, there was no point in having said your peace..... your mind was already made up.
I wish you well, and I hope you have a great life. I hope that one day you will be able to commit to someone and be happy. I hope no one ever calls you out on being a shitty friend without letting you respond and who doesn't ignore you. I also hope that your friends don't move out of state and leave you to turn into a shitty friend to them as you did to me long ago, and I hope when people ask about your problems, that they actually care about them. Maybe one day you will grow up and realize all of this, and maybe you will push your pride aside and call me...... and MAYBE I will be there to answer your call.
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