I Got More Ups and Downs Than a Wave Pool

I find this somewhat amusing, but I have performed for hundreds and thousands of people, and right now I am nervous. Perhaps I am nervous because I am playing me in life and not someone else. Perhaps it has nothing to do with that at all. Maybe it is because my stage doesn't appear to be a stage at all, but at present, Houston, Texas (or the world, if you will).

I forgot how I get when I really like someone. Even though I tend to be pretty outspoken, when I REALLY like someone, I get shy and nervous. I do love the part right at the beginning when you don't really know what the other is thinking and you are not sure what will be next. All you know is that there is a connection, chemistry, and you go with the flow with anticipation to reveal the next chapters in your love story. This is where I am now.

For the most part, I have never really had to try very hard when it comes to guys. They like you, you like them, done deal. Then I think. I think of if the connection was so intense and mutual, why am I single now? Perhaps there was a chapter I overlooked, or ignored, just skipping to the end. Then, the end is what I have found. End of the excitement, end of the not knowing stage, and as a result, end of the relationship. Only in the past, it took about a year to finish every chapter.

Perhaps this is how it is with books that you just are not that into. When I pick up a book that I REALLY like, I can't put it down, so why wouldn't this be the same with a guy I REALLY like. I think it should.

This book that I am reading, or guy that I am interested in if you rather, is like that book you can't put down. I want to know what happens next, and I refuse to put the book down. This guy, however, has long chapters. Where it may take a day to read a chapter, I am finding is taking me quite longer. Perhaps the long drawn out chapters that isn't necessarily an easy read is just what I need..... but I am still anxious to know the rest of his story.

We met over half my life ago. We went to high school together and were both part of the R.O.T.C. program. Even though I remembered him, I didn't remember details. I didn't remember that he had a crush on me back then, and I wasn't aware that I even wrote something pertaining to his crush on me in his yearbook. He told me that I wrote something along the lines of "next time you like someone, tell them". I followed my own advice 14 years later. He is quite aware that it is now I that is crushing over him.

So, here I am thinking of 14 years ago. Not remembering that particular scene at this time, I must have known his feelings for me at that time. I kind of like the fact that I refused to acknowledge his crush on me since he refused to act upon it. What can I say, I am a balls to the wall type of girl. If I feel something, I go with it, leading to where I am now.

So I wonder if the story starts now, or if it started 14 years ago. Oh what a great story that would be to tell the kiddos, but like I said before..... not skipping any chapters this go round!

When I saw him for the first time in this chapter, it was 12 years later. I am guessing that if the book started back then, the period where we lost touch consisted of chapters of him living his life, and me living mine, only to be reconnected so the book has a point, right?

He had a picture of the two of us back in high school. He showed it to me when I went to his place. It was in a memory drawer. I feel honored to be in his memory drawer, especially since sometimes MY memory is faulty. With slight to no interaction during those 12 years, I still was special enough to be lumped into a drawer of specific memories. As a side note, we REALLY need to take another picture together, because I am not a huge fan of the one he has..... not to mention his eyes are closed and I am (what seems to be) talking!

I think there is a lot to be said about touch. I think touching can be so innocent, but so sensual at the same time. I went over to his apartment on Saturday night. We sat there, inching closer and closer to each other, touching. I ran my fingers across his arm, then his face, and towards the end of our evening together, we were close to one another, holding and touching each other, my face next to him, my breath on his neck. I didn't want to leave, but at 4 something in the morning, I did. I also didn't want him to feel as if I was imposing on him or his personal space, and quite frankly, I refused to invite myself to stay. As I went to leave, we hugged for what seemed like 5 minutes, and then we both turned away and I left.

I am intrigued by him. I know he has some issues from his past that he is holding in, and I feel that he is fighting with himself, but at the same time, I am not in a rush. I want something that can last forever, and that takes time. I like the whole "getting to know you" part and not just "wham bam thank you ma'am". My friend Psycho once asked me a question that I love. He said "when you and your partner are old and gray and are incapable of having sex, would you be able to still fully enjoy their company?" I think with how the majority of relationships go these days, no, but with seeing someone you see about every other day and still haven't kissed, definitely. There has to be something about him for me to want to be around him, want to see him, and want to do everything and nothing with him. So I am fine with the no kissing deal right off the bat, and not jumping in the sack right away. I like that he isn't being pushy, if anyone is..... it is me.

I am having him over for dinner tonight, and I am very excited and nervous. I want to impress him, but not look vulnerable at the same time. Yes, I am lonely, but no, I don't want him to be a filler. I want there to be more to this story, and I want my happy ending!

I Put my Eggs on the Table

About 2 months ago I started inching away from Eggland's Best. He bought another car, which made me think his priorities were more skewed. I had come to the conclusion that he was not trying to proceed with a divorce if he was accumulating more assets.

I met a guy at a bar. I know that is so cliché, but we hit it off immediately. The way I met him was even more interesting.

I was sitting across the bar with Taco and we saw a group of hot guys directly across from us. We decided to send over 2 drinks to Guy 1 and Guy 2. After a while, I went over to the guys and told them that they were being douche bags for not coming over to say "thank you" to two pretty ladies for having bought them a beer. Guy 1 is Military Guy and that was the drink that Taco had sent over. Guy 2 was Police Guy that I had sent a drink to. Well, as it turns out, Police Guy was not THAT interesting and was all over some cougar in the bar. I started talking to another guy that was with Police Guy and Military Guy, I'll call him Florida Guy.

Florida Guy was very cute, and we seemed to have a lot in common. I don't typically try to pursue a relationship with a guy I meet in a bar, but here we are 2 months later, and for the most part, I have seen him everyday.

Florida Guy is my age (well, 8 months younger if you want to get technical). Florida Guy is very attractive. Florida Guy is NOT married and does NOT have kids. Florida Guy doesn't have any baggage.

We met up again the following day after having met one another. We ended up going to the same hole in the wall bar that we met at. I couldn't help thinking how funny or odd it was that I got him by sending his best friend a drink, but besides the point he was awesome. I definitely wanted to see him again.

Our first real date consisted of a sushi dinner at my favorite sushi place. I told him how I was pretty much obsessed with sushi and that I could eat him under the table. He then challenged me to eat sushi for two by myself. I accepted the challenge. After gorging myself with raw fish, we decided to go to the bar and have a drink before I went home. My car was at his house, so we drove there to pick it up beforehand because it was closer for me to go home from the bar than from his house. He invited me to come in his house because he had to relieve himself. On the first real date, I met his parents. They were very nice and welcoming.

2 months later I have found myself to be quite fond of Florida Guy. I have stayed at his house numerous times and slept in a twin size bed with the man. It is a squeeze, but comfortable at the same time. I guess it just gives us reason to cuddle up to one another. I see him nearly everyday and that makes me very happy. All this being said, my likeness for Eggs has slowly faded.

After having devoted myself to the intangible Egg for a year and a half I found myself feeling that I would miss an opportunity for something substantial and readily available. I felt that I would miss out on something potentially wonderful by waiting for something that MIGHT not ever be, and I didn't want to do that. After having been in The Garden State for over a year now, I have not once before Florida Guy given the time of day to anyone, and now, all of a sudden, I am smitten and wanting more to come. I felt that I needed to put an end to my long distance lover, and move on with my life. I felt that I would never know how things would turn out with Florida Guy and myself, if I didn't give it my all. This being said, I put my eggs on the table, literally. I gave up on love in pursuit of a new potential love, one that was readily available. I didn't want to be on the back burner any longer. I still don't know what may come with Florida Guy, but I am quite excited to see. I know that he makes me happy, and right now, that is all I can ask for.

Smoking vs Divorce

I talked to Eggs on the way home from babysitting tonight, and when I pulled into my driveway I was still smoking my cigarette. I told him this and he said....

"I wish you would stop smoking."

I simply replied with this "I wish you would get divorced."

"Touché."

"How about I quit smoking when you get divorced?"

Needless to say, I put an end to that discussion....

I'm off to see Eggs

I fly out in a little over 10 hours to Las Vegas. I have never been, and on top of that, I get to see my Egg. I miss him so much. We are going to have so much fun!!! It has been nearly 6 months since I have seen him last, and after all the phone calls, emails, and chats, it is going to be worth it. We started our "thing" back in January, and then I moved to New Jersey in May, so the majority of our relationship has been over 1600 miles away. It sucks, but he is worth it. I can't help but be excited about seeing him. He sent me text messages all day giving the countdown to when we will see one another.

For those of you that think I may possibly up and marry the man, have no fears. I have no intentions of doing such a thing.

Anyway, I am off to packing and showering because I will be up at 4:30 AM. Have a great weekend all, and I will report after I get back!!!

Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...... just kidding.

The Sports Fan

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The Typical Bartender

The Typical Bartender works at the bar that I frequent, and we have been flirting back and forth with one another for a while now. One night I was out at the bar and had met up with Super Short Dude (a blog will be written about him in the very near future). The Typical Bartender handed me a piece of paper and said that if I ever felt like hanging out, I should give him a call.

There was something about this guy that intrigued me. Maybe it was because he didn't come off as the overbearing type like the rest of the bunch, or because I was attracted to him initially. He is tall, not too big or too small, and very quiet. I though that maybe, just maybe this guy was different than all the other bartenders I have encountered in the past.

I called him the night he gave me his number and just told him "Now you have mine. Have a good night". We texted a little bit back and forth, and of course I saw him when I went to the bar on Tuesday nights for wings and on the weekends.

This past Tuesday though was different.

He had mentioned the weekend before that he had put in his notice to leave the bartending job and that he was moving to Jersey City, which from what I hear is about 45 minutes to an hour away. I told him that I was still not opposed to hanging out with him, because that really isn't THAT far away considering everything around here is a drive.

On Tuesday my friend Taco and I met up at the bar to eat some wings and have a few beers. I was doing the normal flirting with The Typical Bartender and Taco said that she didn't really see him reciprocating. She said that something was weird about him and that he just didn't seem "into it".

Anyone that knows me is aware that I am pretty confrontational and up front, so I asked him straight out. He said some bullshit about bad timing and all that and it pissed me off. The thing is, HE gave me HIS number. He initiated the entire process and then when called out on it he retracts the act entirely? This is not acceptable. I could understand if we went out and there was just nothing there, but to give your number out and say "Let's hang out", then come back with the timing being wrong is a bit ridiculous I think.

I got upset and stepped outside with Taco for a smoke. She apologized for calling it as she saw it, and I told her that I was glad she did, because I wouldn't have wanted to invest any time and effort for someone that "wasn't feeling it". Another girl joined us and was asking what was the matter and the truth about The Typical Bartender came out.

The girl told the both of us how the same kind of thing happened with her and The Typical Bartender. She said that he gave her his number and said that if she ever wanted to hang out to give him a call and after a few calls and a few visits to the bar, he told her that she was "smothering him" and that he was no longer interested.

Her friend, The Nurse had a similar encounter with The Typical Bartender. She said something about how one night she was at the bar on a date with a guy and he asked her if she was interested in going out for dinner one night. She was embarrassed because she was thinking about how rude that was to her date and she said "Hell no" to him and left right after dinner and went somewhere else for drinks after that.

I just don't really understand why someone would pursue you, then take it back. How fucking old are we? I am too old for childish fucking games, and quite frankly, it is pretty fucking mean to mess with people's emotions like that in the first place. At least take me out and just say there wasn't anything there before you act like a complete fucking douche face.

The Bad Kisser

I went out last Friday with a guy that I have been talking to over the phone about teaching. He is the grandson of a lady that works for a friend of my mom's. When they heard that I was getting into teaching they figured that he would be able to answer any questions I may have regarding the whole process. My mom's friend told me that he was very attractive, so when he asked me out to dinner, I accepted. We went out to a really nice expensive restaurant, and then he followed me to Krogh's, the bar I frequent. He was good looking and we seemed to hit it off conversationally.

The next day he asked me if I wanted to come over to his house and hang out. He just had his house built and has been in it for about 5-6 months now, so he wanted to show it off to me. We met at a parking lot, and I jumped in his car. We went to his house and I have to admit, it was a very nice house. We watched 2 movies there. The movie Hitch was on the TV, so we watched it together. Then the boy made his move. He asked if he could kiss me, and I said yes. I regretted it the second after when he went in for the kill. It was repulsive. I honestly wanted to throw up in my mouth.

In the movie Hitch, Will Smith mentions that a woman can determine whether or not she can spend the rest of her life with someone based on the first kiss. This is so true. When he kissed me, I was so disgusted that I couldn't even imagine picturing what "other" stuff would be like with this guy. At that point I knew I was not interested in seeing this guy for the third time.

He kissed me again and it was the same; A no go if you will.

The guy is also a hefty guy. He was leaning all over me and I had to keep adjusting because he was really putting a lot of stress on my back. I got to a Chiropractor 3 times a week, so he wasn't helping me at all.

Not only that, but I felt like I was in high school when this guy started kissing me. Granted he IS a high school teacher, but he kept trying to do the "second base" moving the hand up the shirt move, and I was not interested by any means. First off he was not turning me on with his kissing much less the pitiful attempt to grasp my tits over my bra. It was so gross, and when he drove me back to my car I gave him a pitiful hug and ran to my car.

I have had what it seems like a sinus infection for about a week now. He called me and asked how I was feeling and I told him I wasn't feeling great. This past Friday he called me and said that IF I was interested or feeling up to having dinner with him to give him a call. He left a message saying this and also stating that he wasn't going to call me back because he didn't want to bother me if I wasn't feeling well.

I was NOT interested, and I DID NOT call him again. Guess what? HE called again. This pissed me off because he said he wasn't going to call again and bother me, and he did. I can't stand when someone does that shit. He shouldn't have bothered saying that in the message and then contradicting himself. If you leave something open ended like that, then stand to it for fucks sake! I didn't answer the phone because I knew that if I did, I would have gone off on the fucker.

I don't want to be mean to the guy, but at the same time I don't want to use the cliche "You are a nice guy but....." routine either.

Is it bad to say "When you kissed me I wanted to throw up in my mouth. You are 30 years old and should fucking know how to kiss and I haven't the patience to teach you?"

I think he should know that he sucks as a kisser and he was in good until that point, but now I am not interested at all. I mean this guy was so bad that it would take lots of training, and I am not going to invest my time bothering to help him.

Also, when you FUCKING say that you are leaving me alone, that doesn't mean to call me again. WHAT THE FUCK?